so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
