i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
