He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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