Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
