That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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