there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
