I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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