U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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