I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
