if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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