and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
