when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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