It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
