I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We got so high we made milksteak
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
