is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize