come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
