i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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