K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
