oh god the rape fog is back!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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