I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Let's get the cat blown out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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