all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize