I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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