did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
