she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
