How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
