My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
