dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
