the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
