You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You ate ashes out of my bong
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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