So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
