just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize