If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
