when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
