pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
