its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize