i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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