he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
