I think I won the penis lottery.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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