She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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