The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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