Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
