Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
