I'm really into asian looking animals
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
