if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
