We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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