12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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