so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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