i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize