I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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