Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
