they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
