I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
