so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
