We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
