Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
