what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
