At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
