Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
