Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
