I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
