i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
