Plan B is the new Plan A
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
