I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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