Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize