I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
