i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
