FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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