I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize