Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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