Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
