sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
