Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
