I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize