So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
