The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
