We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize