she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
