Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
