I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
