This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
be right there i have to get my cape
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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