I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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