I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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