you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize