TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
