Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
