I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
