he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
