His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize