I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
