My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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