Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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