Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
