what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I want to be your penis for a week.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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