You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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