3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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