if i can run in heels then i can drive
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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