just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize