Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
