Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The best revenge is premature balding
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
