My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
